The melody is highly simplistic and repetitive, put a bit more time into it. Try and include a backround synth of some sort, like a pad. It will make your music sound more wholesome and full, and also makes it easier to influence the listener.
Your song has some definite problems in the flow, it sounds like you designed several different works in progress and stitched them together. When you shift in the song it needs to flow, without that flow it breaks immersion.
However I can see some clear talent, all I can say is keep making music and uploading it. With time you will continue to get better so don't stop. If you ever need another review PM me and I'll try and help you out!
Keep it up, your song reminds me of some stuff I did long ago.